Saturday, May 30, 2009

SMS JOKES


HI FRIENDS!!! HERE IS SOME COLLECTION OF SMS JOKES.

1) TEACHER ASKS DOODU:"WHERE ARE YOU BORN?"
DOODU: "THIRUVANANTHAPURAM"
TEACHER:"SPELL IT"
DOODU(AFTER THINKING):"I THINK I WAS BORN IN GOA"
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WHY DOES SASHI SMILES ON LIGHTNING?
HE THINKS HIS PHOTO IS BEING TAKEN
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I ASKED SASHI: :WHEN ITS HOT WHAT WILL YOU DO?
SASHI: I WILL SIT NEAR AIR COOLER
I ASKED SASHI AGAIN: WHAT WILL YOU DO WHEN IT IS EVEN HOTTER?
SASHI: I WILL SWICH ON AIR COOLER
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SASHI CALS RAILWAY ENQUIRY: HOW LONG IT WILL TAKE TO REACH ERANAKULAM?
"JUST A MOMENT" SAYS THE RECEPTIONIST. "THANK YOU VERY MUCH" SASHI SAYS AND DISCONNECTS
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SASHI PROPOSED A GIRL. GIRL SAID:"SORRY SASHI,I AM ONE YEAR YEAR ELDER TO YOU"
SASHI:" NO PROBS DARLING...I WILL MARRY YOU NEXT YEAR..."
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SASHI FALLS IN LOVE WITH A NURSE AND WRITES A LOVE LETTER: I LOVE YOU MY DEAR SISTER..............
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ONCE SASHI CALLS DOCTOR:"DOCTOR MY WIFE IS PREGNENT". DOCTOR ASKS"IS THIS HER FIRST CHILD?".SASHI IMMEDIETLY REPLIES: "NO THIS IS HER HUSBAND SPEAKING"
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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

DOODU STORIES_PART 1



DOODU IS A FRIEND OF MINE.THERE IS A WHOLE LOT OF COMEDY STORIES RELATED TO HIM. HERE ARE SOME HAND PICKED ONES:


(1) " YOU KNOW, OUR COMPANY DIRECTOR IS A USELESS" SAID DOODU TO A LADY COLLEAGUE.
"WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" ASKED THE LADY.
"NO" REPLIED DOODU.
"I AM THE DIRECTOR'S DAUGHTER."SAID THE LADY.
"AND DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" ASKED DOODU."NO" SHE REPLIED."THANK GOODNESS!!!" SAID DOODU WITH A SIGN OF RELIEF
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(2) THIS HAPPENED WHEN DOODU WAS IN SCHOOL.
TEACHER ASKED DOODU: HOW CAN YOU PROVE EARTH IS ROUND?
DOODU REPLIED: I CAN'T. BESIDES, I NEVER SAID IT WAS.
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(3) ONCE, WE SAW DOODU SEARCHING NOOK AND CORNER OF THE LIVING ROOM. WE ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS SEARCHING FOR. DOODU SHOUTED:
" BE CAUTIOUS!!!THOSE TRAITORS HAVE KEPT HIDDEN CAMERAS!!!!!!"
WE ASKED IN FEAR"HOW COME YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?". DOODU SAID"THAT GUY ON TV KNOWS WHAT EXACTLY WE ARE DOING. EVERY 5 MINUTES HE KEEPS SAYING YOU ARE WATCHING STAR MOVIES CHANEL.HOW DOES HE KNOWS THAT?"
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(4) ONCE DOODU AND HINI WERE IN RAILWAY STATION. HINI ASKS THE ENQUIRY BOARD "CAN I TAKE THIS TRAIN TO KANNUR?"
"NO" SAID THE PERSON IN ENQUIRY BOARD.
"CAN I???" ASKED DOODU
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(5) DOODU GOT AN INVITATION FOR A PARTY. IN THE INVITATION CARD THEY MENTIONED "BLACK TIE ONLY"
WHEN HE WENT TO THE PARTY HE WAS SURPRISED TO SEE OTHER INVITEES WEARING TROUSERS AND SHIRTS AS WELL!!!
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Saturday, May 23, 2009

TWO NUNS!!!!! ( CHALU-COMEDY STORY )



There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes
at the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only
logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.

Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is
worried about what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here!
Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened.
The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run
as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do.
He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man
with his pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

10 IDEAS TO BECOME MASTER IN SALES


1. Attitude: Remember that your attitude influences everything in your practice. With each challenge, use your emotional intelligence.


2. Persistence: It takes most Top of the Table members 10 years or longer in the business to reach Top of the Table. Never give up.


3. Confidence: Nurture it, leverage it, borrow it from others. Most importantly, protect it. With confidence, just about anything is possible. Without it, you fail.


4. Prospect: Keep your prospecting antenna up and tuned in. The difference between an avrage sales person and a Top sales person is the quantity and quality of their prospects.


5. Education and experience: Make sure after 10 years of business, you haven’t repeated the same production each year. Build upon each experience. We need to be perpetual students to add value to our clients.


6. Physical health: Take good care of your body. Without physical health it is extremely challenging to succeed in this business.


7. Goals: Lifetime, yearly, monthly, weekly and especially daily goals will keep you focused and motivated. Put them in writing and share them with others.


8. Enthusiasm: Act enthusiastic and you will be enthusiastic. Make it a special habit to do this, especially when you don't feel like it.


9. Smile: It lifts your mood and the mood of others around you.


10. People: You win with people. Your clients, colleagues, suppliers and fellow association members are all members of your team. Take good care of them and they will take good care of you!

MOST IMPORTANT WEB SITES TO CLICK!!!!


THESE ARE THE SITES WHICH COVERS ALL MOST ALL AREAS. BOOKMARK THE LINKS. THEY WILL BE USEFUL FOR YOU:::

http://www.google.com/
Universally accepted search engine which gives you any thing from the internet with just one click

http://www.bbc.co.uk/
Grabs current news for you from world wide

http://torrentz.com/
Download all kinds of movies in any language

http://www.cricinfo.com/
Get updated with cricket news and live scores

http://www.a2zmusicdownloads.com/
English, French, Dutch, Hindi, German, Arabic, Malayalam, Tamil, Telugu …what else! Any songs, any languages can be downloaded.

www.my-health-and-fitness.org/
Collection of health and fitness related information. You can clear you queries also. Very valuable

http://www.mcomet.com/
You can know about upcoming movies, trailers, summaries etc

http://www.wikipedia.org/
Ask them any doubts, they will clear it. A global encyclopedia with millions of articles

http://fashionworld.com/
Get updated with the latest fashion trends. Be trendy!!!

http://www.worldfinancialnewsnetwork.com/
Interested in investing??? They collects and analyses investment information on public companies.Those tips may help you in investing.

http://www.horoscope.com/
Weekly horoscope, monthly horoscope, daily horoscope even Chinese horoscope is available

http://www.travelguide.com/
No matter where are you traveling to. Click this link. They will guide you anywhere and everywhere across the world

http://www.how-to-meditate.org/
They will teach you how to meditate, when to meditate, how to control stress etc. Just try this link and you will love it!!!


http://www.facebook.com/AnchorFree?ref=ts
::: Get behind the shield, open blocked sites from any part of the word. Only you have to do is (1)click the link, (2)click the 'click here to download' button, (3)save the software.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

MOTIVATION STORY -THE HUT THAT BURNED


Only one person survived after a shipwreck and washed up on an inhabited island. He prayed with great fear to god to rescue him. Every day he wandered through the island to find a way to escape, but noting turned up. Almost given up, he managed to build a little hut eventually to protect himself from external elements. One day after roaming around for food, he arrived home to find his hut in flames, with the smoke crawling up to the sky. The worst thing has happened. Nothing was left. His face turned red with anger. “God you are so cruel! Why did you do this to me?”
Early next morning he woke up hearing the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It came to rescue him. “How did you know I am here?” He asked in great surprise. “We saw the smoke signal”, they replied.

BOOKS YOU MUST READ



THESE ARE MY ALL TIME FAVORITE BOOKS. I RECOMMENT THAT YOU MUST READ THESE:



  • PRIDE AND PREJUDICE BY JANE AUSTEN

  • THE CATCHER IN THE RYE BY J.D.SALINGER

  • GONE WITH THE WIND BY MARGERET MITCHEL

  • THE GIVER BY LOIS LOWRY

  • ANNE FRANK: THE DAIRY OF A YOUNG GIRL BY ANNE FRANK

  • CRIME AND PUNISHMENT BY FYDOR DOSTOEVSKY

  • THE ALCHEMIST BY PULO COELHO

  • LOLITHA BY VLADIMIR NABOKOV

  • A DOLLS HOUSE BY HENRIK IBSEN

  • OLD GORIOT BY HONORE DE BALSAC

  • WAR AND PEACE BY LEO TOLSTOY

  • BELOVED BY TONI MORRISON

  • MIDNIGHT'S CHILDREN BY SALMAN RUSHDIE

  • THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA BY ERNST HEMINGWAY

ATTITUDE MATTERS (MORAL STORY)


ATTITUDE MATTERS
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employer-contractor
of his plans to leave the house building business and live a more leisurely life with his wife and his extended family. He would miss the pay cheque, but he needed to retire. They could get by. The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter said yes, but in time, it was easy to see that his heart was not in his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career. When the carpenter finished his work and the builder came to inspect the house. The contractor handed the front-door key to the carpenter. "This is your house;' he said, "My gift to you.'" What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known he was building his own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now he had to live in the home he had built none too well. So it is with us. Your life tomorrow will be the result of your attitudes and the choices you make today. “If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well.”